We have made some BIG changes here in our house and they have all started happening within the past week.
Chad and I made the decision for me to work a little less and spend a little more time at home with the kids. If I'm being honest, this was probably my decision and luckily my husband (who has heard me
Basically, it comes down to the fact that Payton is 4 years old.....at 5 years old he will start kindergarten. I had just one more year left to spend more time at home with both of them.....I can honestly say that I'm not sure if this is a "I really want to stay home with my kids" or a "I'm really scared I'll regret it in 20 years if I don't give it a shot."
I have a tough job. Being a pediatric nurse is no joke.....long hours, lots of emotions, lots of stress, lots and lots and lots of myself poured out for other families and other kids. For the past few years, I've been working as a pediatric coordinator for cystic fibrosis patients. I won't get in to all the details but I think it is safe to say that working with the parents of children who have a chronic, life-shortening disease is not always easy. It is tough.....and I can say that I have poured 110% of myself into my job for the past few years. If I'm pouring 110% into my job, that leaves.....well, not a whole lot extra to pour into my family at home.
My problems with "working" weren't about being gone from 8 - 5 each day....it was so much more. It was about the hour long commute I had each way (longer some afternoons). I would sit in my car in the traffic, feeling my blood pressure rise, as I wished I was already home cooking dinner or going for a walk with my family. It was about the three hours of work I would have to do every Tuesday night after getting the kids to bed....which meant I got into bed around midnight just to get up early and do it all over again. It was about my Fridays...I "didn't work" on Fridays....but, I was so busy working from home that I had to take the kids to daycare because I couldn't stay away from my email or phone long enough to spend time with them. There were days that I was so stressed out from my nursing job that I barely had enough mental capacity to focus on my real job.....my kids and my husband. It wasn't about the job; it was about all the extra stuff that came along with the job. I loved my job. I loved my patients and I loved their families and I will miss them terribly....yes, all of them....even those parents. It was about the fact that I only had about 1 or 2 hours of time with my kids each day...and that just wasn't enough!
So, I have officially resigned from my position as the Pediatric Cystic Fibrosis Nurse Coordinator (man, that was a fancy title!). I gave 12 weeks notice and last Friday was my last day. Funny thing is....they hired a very pregnant lady to replace me...and, she had her baby last week....and, they need someone to work until she can start....so, despite the fact that I resigned, I'm working nearly every day this week....and next week...and every week until at least mid-September! Even the best made plans don't always work out as planned.
I can say that I have had very mixed emotions about actually walking away...I did have the pretty perfect job. I was about as high up as I could in the nursing world without having my masters degree. It was flexible and the doctors and nurse practitioners I work with are nearly perfect. I know cystic fibrosis like the back of my hand and my patients and their families love me and trust me as if I am part of their family....in fact, they consider me part of their family...their CF family. It is hard to walk away from all of this but I know that I've made the correct decision and hopefully six months from now I won't even look back!
The good news is that one of my co-workers is moving away due to her husband's new job (I'm not happy that she is leaving but it helps me personally). So, once the new person takes my job, I'll be taking my co-workers job and I will get to continue to work with my patients in a slightly different role. I'll go back to being just a nurse and I'll work in the clinic with my CF patients 1 - 2 days per week.
I think I'm getting the best of both worlds. I'll be working much less....and, when I leave work at the end of the day I will really be able to leave....and leave all the work at work, instead of bringing it home. This means that when I'm at home, I will be 100% at home....with my kids....and I can't wait!
Payton and Owen will be attending our church's half day preschool program. It was a very difficult decision to pull them out of the preschool that we have grown to love over the past four years but I am confident that we have made the right choice and I hope that is clear to us over the next few months.
Payton will attend 4 half days per week. Owen will attend 3 half days. I will work on Wednesdays and maybe one other day each week. This will leave me with one full day to spend with Owen each week, one full day to spend with both of them and afternoons full of fun!
I know that my new role as a part-time stay at home mom won't be easy but I know it will be worth it. I know there will be days that I question my decision and days that I question my "purpose" but hopefully the days where I am confident and full of pride will far outweigh those days.
I can't wait to do all the things that I've been missing out on for the last four years....library days, $1 movies, community Easter Egg hunts, play dates with friends, mornings at the park or walking the bridge or doing whatever we want because we can....and, in fact, I'll enjoy the chance to do laundry at 10:00am and the chance to vacuum the floor at 3 pm......it may be tough to keep a clean house with kids begging for my attention but surely it will be better than doing it at 11:00 at night the night before we are expecting guests in our home (yes, that's how we do it now!).
I just can't wait to do all those little things that I've hated to miss out on for the past four years.....my goal will be to enjoy every second that I have at home with them and to do my very best to remember that this time with them is a gift that I have been given....I will cherish it, all of it, even the screaming!
So, here's to change.....lots of it! We accept all well wishes, luck and prayers as we embark on this new adventure.....and any tips on how to stay sane once the honeymoon phase wears off and I realize that I really did quit my job to stay home with two wild, crazy, hyper, screaming, independent, adorable, snuggly, lovable, precious little boys!
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