In an instant...

Today, I am thankful....and feeling a little confused at the same time.

As I was preparing for today, my biggest concern was getting up early and getting out the door earlier than usual.  I really needed to be at work promptly at 8:00.  Chad has been traveling this week so I was going to have to drop the kids off extra early before heading in to work.  Wednesday's are my most stressful day at work - we have a busy clinic that starts at 8:00.  Even Payton has learned that Wednesday is Mommy's "early morning."  I was well prepared but still stressed about how the morning would go.  I still had a few things to accomplish once I got into clinic before patients started arriving so I wanted to be a few minutes early.

The morning went well.  We were out of the door on time and I managed to drop the kids off and leave the daycare by about 7:40 (yes, about 10 minutes late....but better than some other mornings where I've had to drop the kids off!!).

I thought my biggest "concern" of the day was over and my brain quickly switched gears.  I made one phone call to the doctor I work with to remind her that one of our patients needed a test this morning and to ask her to please make sure it was started if she beat me into the clinic...and to remind her that I had dropped my kids off and would be about 10 minutes late.  We talked very quickly and I told her I would see her soon.

Traffic had moved a little quicker than normal and I found I was actually back ahead of schedule.
I had a few extra minutes....and was feeling a little tired due to playing single mom for the past 2 days/nights and sleeping with a wiggly 4 year old....so, I thought I should swing by Dunkin' Donuts for an iced coffee....so, I changed lanes.  Just after changing lanes, the light turned red.  I stopped.  There was one car in front of me and a car to my left.  It was a busy morning and traffic was heavy (as usual around here!).

As I sat at the light, I suddenly heard a loud crash...and realized that someone, somewhere....possibly on the other side of the large intersection....had just hit someone (it sounded like someone had just plowed into someone but it didn't seem close to me).  I craned my head around to see if I could see the incident (I guess as a nurse, I'm inclined to do this...I was immediately thinking I may need to pull off to see if someone needed any help).  In an instant, I realized that the car that had been hit was actually heading towards me....and very quickly.  I heard no brakes sound and was suddenly very aware of the sound of more crashing and the crunching of cars...wait, was that my car?  The rest is all a blur to me.  I know that within a few seconds, an SUV had t-boned the car that had been stopped to my left.  The car that had been stopped to my left was now pushed into the front of my car and it had also been pushed back to the car that was behind it....five cars total.  Five cars....wrecked....in a split second.

Luckily, my car was barely damaged and I was able to drive away.

I find myself saying that I am thankful.  Thankfully, I wasn't hurt.  I'm so thankful I didn't have the kids with me.  Thankfully, my car isn't really messed up.  I'm thankful I was able to drive away.  I'm the lucky one!  Thankfully, my car was damaged less than any of the other cars.

It would be easy to say "wrong place, wrong time" but by being in the far right lane, I feel like I was in the right place!

At the same time, I find myself questioning the entire situation.  I can't comment on how the accident started because I did not see it - and I repeated to the police and the insurance companies today that I am really clueless on what exactly happened.  What I was told at the scene was that an elderly lady (the driver of the SUV) ran a red light and she was then t-boned by another driver....the SUV was then forced into oncoming traffic...which caused her to hit the car beside of me....thus, pushing that car into me.

Two of the drivers were taken away in an ambulance.  I'm very worried about both of them.  Especially the elderly lady.

I feel guilty saying "I'm thankful."  I'm forced to think, why me....why was I the lucky one....did my last second thought of Dunkin' Donuts really keep me from being more involved.  What if I had been the car that had been hit directly by the SUV?  Would I have been injured?  My car would have definitely been totaled.  After driving away from the accident, I didn't make it far....I had to pull over quickly....because I lost it!  Flooded with all of the "what ifs."  What is I HAD been the middle car?  What if I did have the kids with me?  Tough questions....tough answers.  Thankful that I don't know the answers.

Yes, I am thankful, but I almost felt guilty driving away from the accident...after so many had to get medical care or have their cars towed away.

I know somewhere, tonight, two women are possibly injured and if nothing else, extremely sore from a severe accident.  I feel certain they earned an overnight stay in the hospital.

I know there is probably a family somewhere debating about how they will handle their elderly mother or grandmother.....maybe it was her fault, maybe she shouldn't have been driving, maybe her family hasn't figured out how to take her keys away.....such tough decisions for a family.....who has had all of this thrown at them in an instant.  Or maybe it wasn't her fault at all.

5 cars.  5 drivers.  5 families....all had their day changed in an instant.

Again, other than the fact that 2 people left in an ambulance, I don't know anything about their status...I think they will be okay....but, I don't really know for sure.

Please keep both women and their families in your prayers!

Despite the questions, I know that today was my lucky day and I am so thankful to have a God to turn to with my praises!  With all of my current prayer requests, it is nice to be able to turn to him with such gratitude for myself......at the same time, it nearly knocks me down to say prayers of thanksgiving while having such concern for the other two women involved.  Thankful for me, worried and still in prayer for them.

My co-workers were great and I ended up working from home today.  Once I picked up the kids and we talked about the boo-boo on Mommy's car, I realized that I needed to turn my thankfulness into action....I treated those boys to Chick-fil-a, I let Payton ride his bike around the whole neighborhood while I pushed Owen in the stroller, then I pushed Owen around on his bike and then I even let them play baseball.  We laughed and played and I took time to just enjoy them....and even let them stay up late.  So thankful to have that time with them.....and despite the injuries and damage to my car, thankful that I was given such a sharp reminder today....life can change in an instant....live so that you are ready for the moment that something changes in your life!

This was also another simple reminder to stay alert while driving....this was in no way my fault and nothing I could have done would have prevented what happened....or the fault of 4 of the 5 cars involved....so, maybe its not you who is looking at your phone or running the light or glancing back at the crying kids....maybe its someone else....but, maybe, if you are more aware of all that is going on around you, you can react quicker....which may make you the lucky one!

Be careful!  Kiss you kids one more time and hug your loved ones a little tighter....and try to be thankful when it is your lucky day!