Learning to say NO!

Apparently, this is still a work in progress.

I can't even say NO when I try to say NO....I guess I need to be more adamant!

I wrote this last night...

"Truth is that I am so busy taking care of these 2 boys, working part-time, making a poor effort at keeping our house clean and shuffling dust, cooking dinner or deciding which restaurant I think I can muster up the energy to eat at on a given night, leading Bible study and trying to get the boys to various activities...truth is, I have been so busy doing all of these things that I did forget that I am indeed 20 weeks pregnant, with my 3rd pregnancy and yes, I am older....so I need to sit down, take a break and take care of myself and this baby!"

And, today, I really did some thinking on this.  I have to start saying no...and, I have to start admitting to people...myself and others...when I am "not fine"....it is okay to be tired or hungry or have a headache or just need a night at home, sitting on the couch.  

Here is a quick list of my activites:

Mom, Wife, Daughter, Friend, Cousin, Nurse (yes, only part-time, but two days a week is no walk in the park - it has been more stressful than I expected to arrange successful childcare with CofC students...their schedules change, my schedule changes, etc.  It is also a challenge to go from being very much the person in charge to the person who is only there two days a week!)
Young Women's Bible Study leader/facilitator, email corespondent, link to the church (sheesh....it is time consuming, but I wouldn't trade this group for the world!!) Sunday School teacher for high school juniors; Women's retreat planner and co-chair for the upcoming year; Small Groups - again, a life line that Chad and I need but for the past 2 months we have added weekly small group meetings to our already busy schedules....I think that is all the "big" stuff!

And, please don't forget all of Chad's activities that take away from "family time"...all for the greater good of humanity and our church....but, busy, busy, busy!  

This concludes my resume....I guess it isn't really "that" long....but, it keeps me busy and of course, like all of us, I say yes to little things along the way...

Yes, I will help with a class party; Yes, I will take off work for the spring play; Yes, I would love to go to Montreat with the youth group for a week; Yes, we will attend all out of town events for any reason possible (we just missed one unfortunately for the first time in quite a while); I will absolutely help plan and promote a charity walk...why not?!?; Yes, I will help with a friend's baby shower; Of course I will make your dinner...you just had a baby after all!!  These are commitments just like any other woman's commitments....I'm just adding them all up....for all of us!  

I am rambling....my point is that this is what happened to me today.

Chad was out of town.  I made it to church with two boys in tow...in time to lead Sunday School.  Who knew that the prom would keep all but one high school junior away (I was happy to see a few others in church later, but obviously they did not care to wake up and share their pictures with their favorite Sunday School teacher!).  This left time to chat with the youth minister.

He was glad we had a chance to talk....there is a committee forming at church that he thinks Chad and I will be perfect to assist with and give our opinions.  The committee is to discuss ways to promote generosity in our church...giving with your time and talents....we have so many young, new members that it seems to take a while to get plugged in to various roles in our church...for example, Sunday School teachers, Small group leaders, etc.  Over the past 2 years, great progress has been made and our church has a whole new life - thus, part of the reason that Chad and I find ourselves there on Sunday mornings, some Sunday nights for youth events, occasionally on Mondays for committee meetings, Tuesday's for Bible Study and Deacon meetings, Wednesday for dinner and small group....we usually take Thursday, Friday and Saturday "off."

Of course, I would be perfect for a committee...with a cause that I am concerned with....so, I say "sure, sign me up!"  Additional activity Number 1.

What happened next is interesting and I'm not sure it has ever happened to me before...or, how to handle it now that it has happened.

A fellow mom, a very busy active mom, who has a child at the elementary school P will go to next year, approached me and asked how involved I was hoping to be at the school.  Well, of course, I plan to be involved at my child's school....but, my response was this....."I'm not sure how involved I will be able to be this year because this baby (rubbing my belly) is due on September 6th."  To most other mom's, I would have expected my shared concern....oh, I have a child starting school for the first time on August 21st and 10 days (plus or minus) later, I will be having a c-section for the 3rd time.  It ain't that easy folks....in case you aren't familiar with a c-section, they do indeed cut your belly open to remove your sweet child.  My second one was okay, and then I puked for a few days.  My first one SUCKED...all around, it was awful.  So, imagine my thoughts about the biggest few weeks of my life....one child starts kindergarten, one child starts a new schedule at his current preschool, one child enters our family...and I can't easily go upstairs, I can barely get in my bed, I will not be sleeping, and I certainly can't drive....for weeks. 

Back to the topic....I assumed (incorrectly) that the mother who approached would "get" my unspoken concerns just by me stating my due date and say, yeah, probably not the best year to jump right in!

Instead, she said, well, how about something you can do from home....my mistake, I said "Well....maybe?"  But, still, showed no real excitement.  She also said she had asked another friend who didn't seem interested....probably because she is pregnant with her 4th child...I said, "Yes, she is even more overwhelmed that I am right now."  Hint #3 that really, I was not her girl for this job.

She said she would email me the info so I could think it over....and, said it is the type of thing that would be perfect for a stay at home mom....

I wanted to say, ummm, I am barely surviving now...with two, kids, working 2 days a week....and you think I will be more "qualified" with 3 kids, working two days a week to jump right in with helping the new school.....let me get my toes wet first please :)

The email with the "projects"...to be done "from home" came later today.  Option number 1, plan monthly spirit nights for the school.  You know, eat a Chick-fil-a on Tuesday and 10% of proceeds will benefit your school......or, Option number 2, set up pizza sales for monthly PTA meetings.  

I have to figure out how to politely explain, again, that I really think September...with a new baby, sliced open belly and inability to drive (okay, a little too dramatic....it's not that bad!).....isn't the best time for me to plan spirit nights or pizza sales for an entire school.  Maybe, just maybe, among all the other parents who will be slightly more stable....for those few weeks anyway.....maybe they will be a better fit!   

Maybe she heard I was Most School Spirited in high school....cause I was....but, that involved cheering for an awesome football team....somehow, this seems a little different to me! 

I will be involved with my child's school...probably overly involved...I'm just not sure that Spirit Night planner and Pizza Sale lady are the best options to add to my resume!