Chapters

I had so many ideas for the title of this post...

"The Beginning of the End."

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."

"Fear not!"

"Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other gold."  (Girl scouts, anyone?)

I settled on "Chapters" because that is exactly what this is - a great big chapter of our life that is coming to a close.  It may very well end up being my favorite chapter in our great big book of life.  The end of this chapter will be similar to the end of a Nicholas Sparks book....really, really sad resulting in many tears....and snot...you know those books I'm talking about, right?  Well, this is just like that.

I have had so many blog ideas come and go over the past few weeks.  My thoughts are consumed with our upcoming move; however, I have been pushing these thoughts as far back in my brain as possible.

People ask me so many questions.  Questions that I often can't answer.  I want to answer them - I want to know the answers myself.  Truth is, I am in denial.  The denial will end soon...like, at the end of the week...and when it ends, it is going to hit me like a ton of bricks.

The emotions have started....crept in when I was least expecting them, but I've been able to pull myself together.

Chad decided to stay here this week...for one last week.  One.last.week.....the beginning of the end.  So thankful because today, in the midst of a very low key day with just our little family, it started to sink in a little more.   Because he is here, we will be able to have a few more "one last time" experiences this week.  

I'm not sure if the emotions will start as we have one last dinner with friends.  One last dinner at church on Wednesday.  One last trick or treating in our neighborhood with friends.  The emotions may hit as Payton leaves his last day of school...at his first elementary school...and leaves some of his first ever friends, some that I know deep down we will never see again.  Next week, I will have one more week of emotions to get through as I see my OB one last time, Sawyer's pediatrician one last time and pick Owen up from school one last time.

Yes, I am sure by the time I have loaded up the car with some of our things, myself, Owen and Sawyer and head up to NC I will be driving with great big tears in my eyes.

I'll be wearing sunglasses all week.

Yesterday, I pushed my denial aside and had one great big "moving party" for the boys.  Payton named it the "moving party."  I just wanted to call it a play date.  We had a few of our best friends and their kids meet us out at the IOP playground.  A few of our friends weren't able to make it for various reasons and I hate they weren't there.

It was the perfect day.  The weather was perfect.  The kids all played together.  Many of the kids are confused about when Payton and Owen are moving, how far away they will be, when they will see them again...and that is sad to me.

Our friends gave us the most perfect gift...a memory album that it full of pages that each family made for us.  I attempted to look at it while at the party, but started crying.  Toooooo many great memories to list....tooooo many great friends to write about.

To say that we have been blessed in our time here is not even adequate.  We have been more than blessed.

When I look back on our life here, it is so easy to see how God was at work.  It is amazing to think how just a few little decisions, choices along the way, led us to such a wonderful group of friends.

Lindsey, with Libby and Charlotte with Hutch
My very first "mom" friends!

I'm not sure what brought me to From Here to Maternity back in 2008...but, I'm so glad it did...I'm thinking that maybe a nice nursing bra is to thank for all my friends.  The maternity store in Mt P holds infant massage classes.  Laugh if you want!  We had moved here just as I found out I was pregnant.  We had one set of friends - Andrew and Laura - and even we weren't that close yet.  The first 9 months here were lonely to say the least.  When I saw the sign ups for the baby massage classes, I thought that they would at least give me a reason to get out of the house.  So, when Payton was about 6 weeks old, I headed to my first baby massage class.  I quickly learned that we would do much more talking than massaging...and, before long, discussions of nursing, pediatricians and vaccine schedules lead to lunches after class and talking about childcare needs.  Lindsey and Charlotte were both in that class...with Ella and Lila.  Lindsey and I realized that we lived close to each other and we both still needed childcare as our return to work date was approaching.  We chatted a little more and before long, we decided we could share a nanny.  God is in the details.  In the meantime, my grandmother passed away and I missed most of the nanny interviews.  I put all my faith in Lindsey, a girl who I had really just met, and we ended up with a nanny who we would share four days a week for Payton and Ella.

Chad and I became quick friends with Matt and Lindsey and our relationship quickly turned to much more than just sharing a nanny.  We had also kept in touch with Charlotte and Lila who had been in the baby massage class.

Payton and Ella, 5 years later

In the winter of 2008/2009, Matt and Lindsey invited us to their church....where we also learned Charlotte went to church.  The rest is really history from there.  Attending church lead me to try out a "new mom's" Bible Study....and, I've now been the leader of that group for going on 3 years.  Most of our friends started with relationships I made in that group.  Bible study, Women's retreats, Sunday school, Christian parenting, deacon groups.....one little invitation sparked all of that!

I've also realized another important God moment in all of this....our nanny stayed with us until the kids were abou 18 months old.  We parted ways rather quickly and Lindsey and I were left to find alternate childcare very quickly.  We settled on the same daycare, because they had an opening for both kids in the same class...after a few weeks, they got a new teacher....enter Miss Rachel.  Yes, our beloved Miss Rachel.  Major God moment.

If I had never met Lindsey, if we have never shared a nanny, if that nanny had not hurt her back at the exact right time, if Lindsey and I would have picked a different daycare.....we would have never met Rachel....but, we did....and, in perhaps, the most perfect timing for Rachel.  Payton was in her midst as she went through the worst time in her life and he became her on little angel.

Rachel of course also ties right back into the church...and, is the reason we started working with the youth group.

Amazing.  Even more amazing that I never pieced all of that together until this week.

Thank goodness for nursing bra...and that infant massage class...and my very first friends in Mt P who lead us into so much more!

Brooke, Gene, Amy, Charlotte, Myself, Emily, Mandy,
Lindsey, Laura

We have so many wonderful friends here.  I really can't put into words how difficult it is to leave these people as we move back to NC.  I could have never dreamed of a better group of friends to share this life with....and their kids.  I can't imagine that we will ever find a group of friends who will ever come close to meeting our expectations of what we are looking for in a group of people.  We have had the best in the world...and, to give that all away is tough.

This is why I keep thinking, "Don't cry because its over, smile because it happened."  I have no doubt that we will see all of our closest friends again.  I have no doubt that we will all keep in touch but I do know how difficult it is to see friends once there is distance in between....hence the reason I haven't seen some of my best college friends in 3 years...but, we are all still friends!  If I never see these people again, I will be devastated....but, at the same time, I have to realize that we were here for a reason, they are in our lives for a reason and if we had never moved here at all, we would never have experienced such wonderful relationships....so, smile because it happened may be my mantra for the upcoming weeks, months, years even!

Jeff, Liston, Rusty, James, Nate, Matt, Chad, Alex

I have so much more to say about all of the thoughts, feelings, emotions that run through my head on a daily basis about our upcoming move....but, words are not adequate and I just can't get it all out on paper.

Am I happy to be moving back to North Carolina?  Happy to once again be close to family, able to have my children raised near their grandparents, where my children will know the smell of fresh cut hay, smoke from burning leaves, the feeling in the air on a Friday night at a high school football game, close to the Tar Heels, close to our "old friends," close to the lake, the mountains, snow, seasons....yes, above all, I am happy about that.

Am I deep down sad...down to the bone, in the deepest part of my heart...sad?  Sad to leave this beautiful place, these beautiful people and the amazing relationships we have created, our church, our pastors, our church family, the preschool and schools, the teachers faces we have grown to love, our friends, the kids friends, our favorite Miss Rachel, the crazy high school youth group and the Sarkowskis, my bible study, our overly packed schedule, The Sease's, the alligators in the pond, the beach, the marsh, the views I see every time I drive over Shem Creek or downtown into work....yes, I am deep down sad.

I am so grateful that we had a chance to have a great big play date yesterday...and so grateful that we will be back to have Sawyer baptized here.  So grateful to have these little moments to make me slow down and appreciate all that we have been given in our time here.....for that, I am thankful.

I will try to soak it up for our "last week" and will keeping trying to "smile because it happened" but, just know, one day very soon it will hit me and I will be that girl, wiping snot away from my nose and onto my shirt sleeves.