Patience in the Pews

For the first Sunday in Lent I have a lot to say.  Specifically, I would like to discuss taking children to church.

Background:  I was raised in a small Methodist church in my hometown.  We could drive there in about 3 minutes; 15 minutes if we walked and that would have been a slow walk.  My dad grew up in the same church and he in fact did walk as I have often heard.  He ate figs (or some other fruit from a tree) as he passed through the cemetery on his walk to the church.  He "worked" as a grave digger - as in, dug the graves with a shovel. My grandparents went to this church.  My parents were married at this church.  Chad and I were married at this church and Payton was christened at this church.  Some of my greatest memories and some of my worst have taken place right in that sanctuary.  I have been in church plays, musicals, weddings, exchanged my own vows and shed many tears.  On the front right side of the church I have been the grieving family member of a few too many family members.  All four of my grandparents funerals were held in this church.  Most of my family is buried in the cemetery.  Just for good measure, when my family members pass away, my family (and extended family - including my dad's cousins) throw in a shovel full of dirt after the casket is lowered into the ground.  We follow this with one other family tradition that shall go unnamed.  I hope that we don't find ourselves sharing any of these traditions in the church cemetery for many, many years....

In my home town church, everyone knows everyone.  If you aren't bonded by friendship you are at least relatives...most of the time.  All of this is said to make the following more obvious - when you have babies in my home church, most of the time they stay with you in the sanctuary for the church service.  Now, the church has carpet and padded pews.  If your children cry, those around you smile an understanding smile and give a patient nod.  In fact, you are most likely sitting beside your own mother or aunt and they are often able to give a helping hand.  Or, it might be that your oldest family friend has a mint in her purse that she pulls out just in time to help the child quiet down.  Even more often, when your child is disruptive in church - most likely laughing or wiggling around - you may soon realize that its because the man behind you is making funny faces at your child.  If it gets so bad that you have to leave with your fussy child, everyone understands and they all smile at you own your way out and on your way back in.  After the service all of these people then find you to comment on your child's behavior - either blaming it on your side of the family or on the father's side (which is the case with our children).  No matter their behavior in church, at least 20 people will still stop you to tell you exactly how cute your child is and how he looks exactly like you when you were his age.

About 15 years ago, my own mother took a personal stance of "hatred" towards Cheerios or Goldfish - those things are not meant for church.  I have heard at least one thousand times that Cheerios and Goldfish in church are really not acceptable....my parents would have never given me food in church...after all, it is ridiculous to do such a thing and children should just know how to act in church.  (Side note: I have determined that I was indeed a little angel and if my mother had ever had one, never mind two, boy she would have probably brought every piece of entertainment possible to make it through one church service.)  Crayons seem to be a little more accepted than food but, still should not be required for an hour long church service.   Now, yes, I am exaggerating these thoughts a little...but, I'm not too far off.  And, yes, I had more that one church service that I can remember being taken out by my father for punishment...and, yes, I still remember the punishment!

Fast forward to our current church.  We attend a very old Presbyterian church - the pews are wooden, the floors are wooden and EVERYTHING echos!  Last fall, our church started a contemporary service.    As far as contemporary services go, it is still on the more traditional end.  The music is more contemporary and Payton loves it - Mr. Turner plays the guitar and sings - and Payton LOVES him.  He has memorized many of the songs and he enjoys singing along.  The new service is in our fellowship hall - at the same time as our more traditional service.  Payton looks forward to going to the service and runs from Sunday School to the fellowship hall each Sunday.  They have snacks prior to the service as a way to help people meet and mingle (we go to a very large church).  Payton enjoys the chocolate milk and a muffin.  I often have a small serving of cheese grits and lemonade (I mean, who can pass up cheese grits in the south on Sunday?!?!).  The part that will make my mother faint cringe - we always grab one container of cereal to take with us into the service......gasp!  And, we are not the only family that does this....in fact, I would say the majority of families with young children have 1 container of either Cocoa Puffs or Trix on Sunday mornings....hey, it works and I'm all about going with what works these days!  Owen stays in the nursery.

This month, Chad was signed up to be an usher - yes, serving the church as an usher.  It is great that he does this; however, it turns our Sunday mornings upside down!  He is an usher in the traditional service which leaves Payton and I to go alone to the contemporary service.  It is no secret that Payton's behavior is MUCH worse for me than it is for Chad so it shouldn't surprise you that Sunday mornings in church without Chad's help don't go all that well.

This morning:
We found our chocolate milk....no muffins.  Near meltdown because they were out of muffins.  We found our seats - on the aisle somewhat close to the back.  We saw our friends and said our hello's, gave lots of hugs.  We had our children's handout and 1 crayon and yes, we had Cocoa Puffs (the horror!).  Payton knows that he does not get the cereal until he sees Mr. Gary (our pastor) start the sermon.  It takes him the entire sermon to eat the container so it gives me at least 20 minutes to focus.

This morning Payton was in rare form - when Mr. Turner started to sing, I spotted Payton in the aisle - dancing - pumping his fists and kicking his feet - full out, dancing - to Christian music of course - but a little embarrassing.  My hushed efforts to get him to quit didn't work - and the high schoolers laughing at him only made him dance more.

In addition, Payton thinks that questions asked in church are meant to be answered - for example:  What are you doing to show others your love for Christ?....meant to be followed by silent reflection.....not for Payton, he decides to answer, LOUDLY.

Problem number 3 - in the middle of the service, Payton bust out in cheer - C-A-R-O-L-I-N-A....quitely, but still, cheering in church.  COMPLETELY humiliating for mom.

Next up, prayer.  We are praying - quietly - I hear two small bumps - Payton has turned around and hit the seat of the lady behind us.  We don't know her and she doesn't look too enthused with this strange child that she has unfortunately landed behind.

At one point, I quietly told him that he needed to quit talking out loud and that if he didn't we would have to leave - to which he responded "Who's gonna make me?"  Mind you, his talking out loud was at a whisper - but still talking out loud in church and not acceptable behavior to me.  Even after his "Who's gonna make me?" question, I maintained my composure - and he better be glad I stayed seated - I could have really been mean to him at that point.  He also repeats who ever is speaking - no matter what they say - he repeats about every 3rd sentence. Yes, he is listening but how do I get him to QUIT talking?!?!

Lastly, and I'm not sure you can even punish a kid for this, when it is time to say the Lord's Prayer Payton says it louder than anyone in the room.  So loud that I find people several rows in front of us turning around to look and often saying "good job" after he has finished.  Yes, a proud moment for this Mama but also another moment I want to sink under the pew.

So, patience, yes, patience.  Lord, I ask for patience to know how to parent this sweet little boy that you have left in my care.  Maybe one day he is going to be a preacher so that he can be the loudest at church and finally be able to talk out loud.  If he does wind up being a preacher, than I hope the spunkiest kid in the world lands in his children sermons.

I know that today, if we had been at either my home church or Chad's home church, the commotion wouldn't have bothered me as much - and the people around us would have overlooked his outgoing personality - they would have said he was so cute and yes, I am certain, they would have reminded me that he acts just like his daddy!  His Daddy will not be an usher next week and I look forward to having him back in the pews with us...to help me with my patience and my sweet little Payton.